DEFENSE AGAINST VELOCIRAPTORS

Velociraptors, if hungry, will not hesitate to attack a human. We are more than small enough to be brought down by a pack of them, and we don't have scales, thick hides, horns, or particularly sharp teeth. If you are in an area where velociraptor attacks have been reported, please take the following precautions.

Defending Against Raptors Outdoors

Your superior height and weight in comparison to the velociraptor is your main asset in battle.

If you are walking outside in an area when raptor attacks are regularly reported, be on your guard. Velociraptors, like their avian hawk descendents, are experts at tracking and ambushing prey without being noticed. You are not an exception to this stealth. However, you are rather large for velociraptor prey, and so the raptors may not decide to ambush you.

If the raptor(s) attack you, do not run and do not panic. The raptors will be able to outrun you easily over short distances.Throw whatever you have on hand at them. If you have pepper spray, deploy it. Velociraptors have an inexplicable fear of confetti; this makes a very useful weapon for scaring them away. Kicking them may also drive them away, although this is not reccommended as the raptors may bite your leg. On no account lose sight of any of the raptors. They are very sneaky and can easily attack you when you are occupied with their accomplices.

If the raptors have pounced on you, get them off of you as quickly as possible. At this point, your chances of survival are very low. Attack the raptor's back and underbelly, as these are softer areas and are out of reach of the raptor's claws. If you do escape, now is the time to run away. Try to find shelter, or climb a tree. Velociraptors can jump 10 feet vertically but their tree-climbing skills are poor.

Defending Against Raptors Indoors

Unlocked doors and unbarred windows are the most common raptor entry sites.

Velociraptors will usually not go through the trouble of hunting a person who is inside a house if there are other people outside. However, if you are being chased by a pack and go into a building, there are precautions to be taken.

The odds of surviving a velociraptor attack are much better when one is inside some kind of building. If you see velociraptors outside, lock all windows on the first and second floors, if there is a second floor. If there is a way for the velociraptors to get to higher floors (e.g. fire escape) then lock all the windows that the raptors have potential access to. Board up or bar the doors, raptors are able to open doors but have a lot of trouble doing so.

If you wish to protect your house from velociraptors, you should place metal bars on your windows, spaced apart about 30cm. This is smaller than the average raptor and will deter entrance. All doors should have deadbolts and locks, and should be sufficiently thick and/or heavy in order to prevent raptors breaking through them.

If a velociraptor has gotten into your house, you must incapacitate it at all costs. A velociraptor may be able to open doors and windows from the inside of the building and let in any possible comrades, or it could corner and attack you. Knock the raptor out with a kick or a heavy object, such as a crowbar. Try not to kill the velociraptor; raptors avenge the deaths of their kin. If multiple raptors have entered your dwelling, exit as soon as possible. Fighting off multiple raptors in a confined space is not a battle you will win.